Tag Archives: self-improvement

It’s true what they say about assuming, you know…

Assuming always makes an ass out of u and i.

I will start by admitting that I am someone who has the innate tendency to instantly assume if something is awry that I must have caused it. I assume that if a friend is mad about something, it must be linked to me.

At work if I am not vibing with a table, for what ever reason, I assume I will be getting a really shitty tip. Most of the time I am wrong.

I assume my husband knows when I am having a bad day and when I need him to be extra sensitive. That never works in my favor because as it turns out he really can’t read minds.

I assume my daughter will go to bed early if she skipped her nap, and yea that usually does not occur. I also assume that because she loves to swim in water outside, she will be totally cool with bath time. Nope. Apparently they are completely different, but not really.

I assume that my dad will always remember how old I am turning because hello, he is my dad. Now that I have to remember so many damn birthdays and special dates, I have to write down how old everyone is turning. Even myself; so he is forgiven.

We all assume people will treat us the way we treat them. With that notion I go further to assume that if I give 100%, those around me will too.

I assume that the people in my life have the same value system as I do, and that is simply not the case. I won’t give you a social psychology lecture but, with the melting pot of people that makes up this earth that is just not possible. Too many factors to consider.

So not only am I someone who has a tendency to assume, I am in a position that opens me up to assumption from strangers on a consistent basis. For some reason, a server in their 30s tends to leave people wondering where they went wrong in life. Why else would someone be waiting tables for a living past 29?

I get offered jobs, I am paid over-zealous compliments that feel laced with sadness and my favorite is when I get the plain ol’ sad eyes. If I have a table with a recruiter of any type or a retired military person you bet I will be asked at some point if I have thought about the military. Then when they find out I am a veteran of more than a decade I am ambushed with so many inappropriate and uninvited questions it is really appalling.

Let’s be real, there aren’t many professions, and food service is a profession, that you can go up to an employee and literally ask them personal questions and then offer them a “better opportunity in life.” I have been asked way too many times, “what my plans are after this?”

(Rant: I find it really worrisome that a mom who has found a way to earn money for her family and be a stay at home mom during the week has to defend herself to complete strangers at her CHOSEN place of employment.)

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On this self-improvement journey I am on, I have been paying close attention to my thoughts and the energy I put out into the world. I have realized that 10 out of 10 times I assume something, I end up feeling like an ass.

I think I am quick to assume partly because I am a naturally defensive person who can be insecure at times. Causation in my eyes would be nature AND nurture. I am naturally sensitive, mix that with the inevitable events of my life and you have: ME.

So I have become hyper-vigalant on the energy I put into this world and I am working on how I handle life and all of its messiness. Assuming effort, it takes brain power. I am trying to re-wire my brain into putting that effort into something that leads to a more positive outcome.

How are you with challengers, readers? Do it. Stop assuming. See what happens in your life.

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Journey Continued…

Summer has a way of lapsing time, doesn’t it? The heat, the consistent summer storms, new adventures outdoors, repeat adventures outdoors and then playing catch-up indoors. With the rise in temperatures I find myself so exhausted by 1, that if I sit down for any amount of time in double digits I am asleep. Like for real. The heat sucks the energy out me; it’s a rough life!

I am not doing a very good job of keeping up my writing schedule either, with all this extra napping brought on my the overwhelming heat in the south. I have been so caught up with work and keeping up the new house I haven’t even made it over to meet the new baby in our little circle. Westin, I promise, I am coming!

Anyway, for me summer adventures include the outside pool, the sprinklers, the beach, and of course the new park (new for us) and mini-playdates if I manage to remember to plan one and then follow through. My kid loves to be outside and moving, and the poor girl gets the power sweats like I do. So we are often incorporating water into whatever we are doing. Somehow June came and went. I think I saw one of my friend’s so far this month. Oh, and she lives next door.

I am sure this is situation; toddlers tend to make the days seem like groundhog’s day. The attempt to keep a routine while creating summer magic for a tiny person who will never remember most of the days I spent planning for her is a constant struggle. But that is ok, it matters on a higher level.

In the past I would let this really get to me. The fact that I have not kept up with my writing schedule, let some of the chores go from time-to-time and have done zero product reviews and not stressed about until I lose sleep is pretty nice. I have let other things become more important like playing with my daughter on demand, sporadically baking something, playing with and loving our new kitten Mavis, and of course my favorite taking a long hot soak. If you follow me on Snapchat I am sure you are sick of seeing bubble baths.

I have also been expanding my year-long journey of self-improvement to include reading and learning from literature that folks I find inspirational have published. I am almost done with Kate Hudson’s book Pretty Happy and I just got it. That says a lot since my extra time is usually spent driving, napping or bathing. I am learning so much and finally have a spiritual path that I find to be alluring for my lifestyle. More on that later, of course.

In the past couple months at work, I have worked hard on talking less and listening more. Listening to my customers, co-workers, management, friends and family. They may not all agree, but I am giving it may all! Anyway, I found that there are a couple personality characteristics that really turn me off; which hit me deeply because I can recognize some of them in myself.

Negative people. The folks that are complaining the majority of the time and like to trash other people. I work with too many negative people, and I have noticed that negative people are toxic. I mean they have a tendency to suck you in and set the tone in the space that they are in. The constant complaining can become catching when you are frustrated and or having a bad day/time. You follow suite and then you pass that negative vibe onto someone else.

Folks with a superiority complex. I only ever come across these people at work; customers who frequent O’charleys. The tend to talk down to me, don’t make eye contact with me, talk over me and have zero manners. I don’t understand this, on any level. Talking to someone any way you please because you feel superior in some sort of way. In my experience, it is usually retired civil servants and white middle-aged women from a state more northern. I don’t want to get too specific, and I am only speaking from my experience. I can’t help but think that the attitude comes from them feeling superior to me because I take their order and clean their mess. Sometimes I get the sad eyes. This poor girl is here waiting tables, I wonder where her life went wrong?

I know I need this journey because my first instinct is to always get defensive and start spouting out my resume to anyone who listen. It is such a waste of energy, and my getting upset and letting me myself get spun up shows me I have a long way to go.

One thing I have learned and incorporated into my life so far into this journey, is that I am in total control over how I use my energy and what energy I project into the world. I have become a more positive person so far and I have a new vantage point on the people I surround myself with. Sometimes we have to be in the company of negative people or people who are just ugly inside, but when you let your positivity shine it changes the situation entirely.

I hope I can inspire you!

To be continued…