I cannot be the only early thirty-something (33 to be exact) who seems to be having trouble giving up late nights for early mornings. Giving up the cock-tail hour and dinner duo just doesn’t seem to be on my radar. Right now my life revolves around the high-energy two-year I have who does not sit still like society would like her to. She is the loud girl staring you down from two booths over; the one who zero awareness of your boundary issue.
And I am her proud, tired mother. I still desire to hang out with my childless friends who still tell me stories about waking up somewhere weird or finding someone hanging out with a litter box while passed on out the shitter. Then there is me, I’m like, “oh cool, what kind of litter box is that? I am getting a kitten to add the family!” Fail.
I am socially awkward yes, but I love to entertain. I love to cook and decorate and drink with friends. Only now, I do all this after chasing/playing/cleaning up after my child all day. I usually attempt to ‘hang out’ (I use that term loosely) on Wednesday or Thursday which are may days off from working either in the home or out at the restaurant. These days are also days that I have to squeeze in activities for Charlotte, appointments, errands, etc. So they are not usually relaxing in nature.
I used to enjoy running errands by myself. Listen to music, dance and sing in the car, get some coffee and knock it out. Man, that ship has sailed. Errands can only be described as awful when you do it with a toddler. At least with the combination of my low patience level, her inability to be calm when she needs to be, her need to explore everything and her desire to walk as SLOW as possible. She has one speed at home… zoom is her speed at home. My point is that I am often exhausted by the time the day rolls around to being time to cook and get ready for guest, then entertain.
Plus if it someone new my body automatically enters fight or flight mode from the mere stress of it all.
So guess what happens. I have my two to three glasses of wine and pass the fuck out with Charlotte. Every. Damn. Time. When I say I will be right back, you might as well say good night and plan on seeing tomorrow. For real.
Did I mention Charlotte is phasing out of naps too? I am in the throws of the potty training, meltdowns, picky-eating, non-stop running/climbing/falling, nose picking stage of parenting and I guess I am having trouble transitioning from the semi-cool mom to the busy and exhausted mom.
I need to cut the shit and stay the fuck in my lane. I need to realize that you can’t mold yourself around your friends like you might have in your youth; that shit just doesn’t work. I can now check-off going to sleep before 8 pm while your guest are downstairs waiting on you. I can also say that I have entered the realm of my life where I can no longer blend in with twenty year olds. I just feel uncomfortable and maternal now. The phase is complete. Charlotte has even started saying, “oh mom, you’re so silly!” She is two people. I embarrass her at two.
So I guess even though I have like 10 types of leftovers in my fridge on the daily and the biggest bottle of Pinot Grigio that Barefoot sells, I can’t have you over. Unless you understand and accept that I am now the host that forgets to offer you water and will most likely talk too much about Charlotte and Chris. But I will keep your glass of wine full and probably be pretty entertaining until I pass out.
I realize that my pool of potential friends is already small and it is shrinking every year I age. I am an anxiety-riddled, socially awkward (at times), overly opinionated and brutally honest momma bear. I am a MS graduate that chooses to wait tables, labels herself as non-religious (for safety reasons), and I am an outspoken supporter of MMJ. Oh, and I reside in the DEEP SOUTH by choice. I am seriously a duck out of water as far fitting in socially around here, but that’s ok. We like the Spanish Moss and we have a good 8-hours before any family can ‘stop by’.
I am getting back in my lane. If I don’t I might start falling asleep the day before company arrives!
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