Tag Archives: life

The Curveball that is Life…

Life happens and plans change. I wanted to keep on a writing schedule and get this damn year-long project out of its infancy phase. But as I keep trying to teach my wee one, life is not about me or you but about us as a whole.

Life happens; bills have to get paid, people get sick, visits and birthdays happen even if it’s not the best time for YOU.

Despite my best efforts, I have not mastered running on less than 7 hours of sleep. Yes you read that right, I need sleep. I am a human who needs 7 hours a night. Yes, we all know people who do not “need” that much sleep despite what science tells us, and we will watch those people’s bodies break down earlier than ours, mmmkkkk.

Oh, and potty training. What a shit show that is. NO PUN INTENDED! It is a literal shit show. But we are on the downward slope now. She is fascinated by counting her poo-poo turds. You’re welcome.

I gave up nagging her about her nose picking addiction. I figure the mean girls at school will fight that battle for me. I just don’t have any more energy fighting the booger battle. I threw in the towel when I had to tell her that I would not join her in eating her boogers, or eating mine, because we are not meant to eat them (with a straight face).

Oh and I have the child that uses “fuck” appropriately. But really, everyone saw that coming. On the plane ride to California she told that she would not be sitting in her fucking seat. And if she cannot see her cookies when she opens the pantry, the f bombs fly. Where are my fuuuucccckkkinnnng cookies? I am working on it, please do not worry. I say fiddlesticks now.

The financial strain of buying a new house and immediately furnishing that house has also taken its toll. I totally understand how money is the number one reason for divorce. We are slowly and steadily getting out of the mess we happily put ourselves in.

Alas, here we are. Christmas right around the corner. I will be home! We are very excited to be celebrating our holiday season at home in this house that we love. Just the three of us. Just perfect.

Don’t let this photo fool you; there will be minimal if any baking going on.

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Perfect Little Family of Three

So anyway, expect new post.

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Stay in your lane, girl!

I cannot be the only early thirty-something (33 to be exact) who seems to be having trouble giving up late nights for early mornings. Giving up the cock-tail hour and dinner duo just doesn’t seem to be on my radar. Right now my life revolves around the high-energy two-year I have who does not sit still like society would like her to. She is the loud girl staring you down from two booths over; the one who zero awareness of your boundary issue.

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And I am her proud, tired mother. I still desire to hang out with my childless friends who still tell me stories about waking up somewhere weird or finding someone hanging out with a litter box while passed on out the shitter. Then there is me, I’m like, “oh cool, what kind of litter box is that? I am getting a kitten to add the family!” Fail.

I am socially awkward yes, but I love to entertain. I love to cook and decorate and drink with friends. Only now, I do all this after chasing/playing/cleaning up after my child all day. I usually attempt to ‘hang out’ (I use that term loosely) on Wednesday or Thursday which are may days off from working either in the home or out at the restaurant. These days are also days that I have to squeeze in activities for Charlotte, appointments, errands, etc. So they are not usually relaxing in nature.

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I used to enjoy running errands by myself. Listen to music, dance and sing in the car, get some coffee and knock it out. Man, that ship has sailed. Errands can only be described as awful when you do it with a toddler. At least with the combination of my low patience level, her inability to be calm when she needs to be, her need to explore everything and her desire to walk as SLOW as possible. She has one speed at home… zoom is her speed at home. My point is that I am often exhausted by the time the day rolls around to being time to cook and get ready for guest, then entertain.

Plus if it someone new my body automatically enters fight or flight mode from the mere stress of it all.

So guess what happens. I have my two to three glasses of wine and pass the fuck out with Charlotte. Every. Damn. Time. When I say I will be right back, you might as well say good night and plan on seeing tomorrow. For real.

Did I mention Charlotte is phasing out of naps too? I am in the throws of the potty training, meltdowns, picky-eating, non-stop running/climbing/falling, nose picking stage of parenting and I guess I am having trouble transitioning from the semi-cool mom to the busy and exhausted mom.

I need to cut the shit and stay the fuck in my lane. I need to realize that you can’t mold yourself around your friends like you might have in your youth; that shit just doesn’t work. I can now check-off going to sleep before 8 pm while your guest are downstairs waiting on you. I can also say that I have entered the realm of my life where I can no longer blend in with twenty year olds. I just feel uncomfortable and maternal now. The phase is complete. Charlotte has even started saying, “oh mom, you’re so silly!” She is two people. I embarrass her at two.

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So I guess even though I have like 10 types of leftovers in my fridge on the daily and the biggest bottle of Pinot Grigio that Barefoot sells, I can’t have you over. Unless you understand and accept that I am now the host that forgets to offer you water and will most likely talk too much about Charlotte and Chris. But I will keep your glass of wine full and probably be pretty entertaining until I pass out.

I realize that my pool of potential friends is already small and it is shrinking every year I age. I am an anxiety-riddled, socially awkward (at times), overly opinionated and brutally honest momma bear. I am a MS graduate that chooses to wait tables, labels herself as non-religious (for safety reasons), and I am an outspoken supporter of MMJ. Oh, and I reside in the DEEP SOUTH by choice. I am seriously a duck out of water as far fitting in socially around here, but that’s ok. We like the Spanish Moss and we have a good 8-hours before any family can ‘stop by’.

I am getting back in my lane. If I don’t I might start falling asleep the day before company arrives!

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Everyone isn’t going to like you, and that sucks.

You see, I am a people pleaser and when things go sour with someone it isn’t possible for me to just shake it off. It will eat at until something new takes the place. Like seriously… I am neurotic to the point that I analyze any interaction I had that day that felt toxic in some way, virtually or face-to-face. I am always offending, annoying and scaring someone. Maybe it is that exhale sarcasm and suffer from resting bitch face. Or maybe it is that I take the whole ‘treat people how you want to be treated’ way of thinking and apply to all avenues of my life. I bet it is that whole missing filter thing I was warned about by an elementary teacher. Anyway, I usually find myself in trouble with someone.

I realize that not everyone shares my way of thinking and that is normal considering we all come from different walks of life. But I will share my opinion as this is my blog and the whole point of suburban mishap.

I am a server right now, which means I work in the service industry where you have mostly high school kids, young adults in college, older adults who can’t really be employed anywhere else and then my group (moms who want to raise their own kids so they choose a job with flexible hours). I have to tell you, the new generation of adults entering the work force is scary as shit. I am not sure if the kids I work with literally have no work ethic, or they just feel like it can be situational. Perhaps they don’t take being a server as a serious job, and I get that. But to go there and literally throw temper tantrums when someone didn’t ask you if you ALSO wanted a milk shake with your dinner order that was delivered to you by a nice person who willingly did a food run. Or to literally walk right by someone who is doing the work that is assigned to you while the manager yells at everyone walking by for help. Who is raising these lazy and self-obsessed brats and setting the standard of acceptable work ethic?

These same types of individuals are the first ones to notice and comment if someone gets something  and they do not. Maybe my husband has a valid point about handing out rewards and ribbons to everyone who just participates. I’m not positive there is a link, but you know I see a very real ‘me me me’ mentality from the young people just entering the world. It goes further then my generations average know-it-all mentality. Now it is the know-it-all attitude and wanting a fucking reward for it.

Has society encouraged parents to keep focus on responsibility and discipline so much that they forget humility and work-ethic? I won’t even go so far as to include teamwork, because I am sure I learned that during my 11-year Navy career. But I can most certainly say that my parents made sure I knew what hard work was and humility before I left at 17. I was always reminded that someone out there has it worse that me when I was feeling sorry for myself, as most young minds do.

It is a struggle for someone like me who wants to people please, make friends, avoid the scary people and just enhance the over all environment in a positive way. I get bent out of shape if someone doesn’t like me. Even if I really don’t like the person to begin with, knowing they feel some way about me eats at me. It’s that incorrectly wired brain of mine.

So where am I going with this rant? Well, things have bubbled up at work and I am on some shit lists. Why? I really really do not like people who do not pull their own weight in the work place. No matter where the work place happens to be. Hell, if I were a prostitute, I would be the hardest working girl with the cleanest corner and organized drug bag. So when I have to drag my tired ass to work in the evening, it makes me a little pissy when I end up doing the work or like 4 or 5 other people. What people? Those darn high schoolers and young adults (plus one or two 40 year olds)  who would rather sit around and complain instead of passing the time, Idk, doing their job. Our job isn’t that hard after all. The bottom line is, what really pisses me off about it, is that my tips, as well as others, suffer because we have to spend time doing another person’s work because the manager gets fed up and starts yelling at everyone they see to get SHIT DONE. So you see, it is like a domino reaction. If I see something that needs to be done, assigned to me or not, I do it if I can. That is a foreign concept to way too many people I know.

After awhile I get annoyed, bitchy and I let you know in some way or another. Then, people start not liking me. If  I could just go to work, do the bare minimum and go home I would be voted most popular. Hands down. Ok maybe that is too far, but it doesn’t matter because that is not me. And dammit, who the fuck wants to be that asshole? I remember long long ago, in my previous life, having quite a bit of beef with a few of my senior female bosses. I generally thought they were meant and picking on me… I still remember each and every one of them and how angry and confused I ended up feeling around them. I respected them though, and I certainly I learned from them. So this is where I have to let this go. I have to learn to except that I am finally old enough that I don’t get the older generation and now I don’t get the younger generation… cest la vie.

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Month 2 and 3

Not many things have actually taken place since the last post, yet here I am writing my planned update post later than I should have.

The part-time job waiting tables is going well. I mean it’s going out pretty much as soon as it comes in. So I would say it is successful.

Still nowhere to hide. Which in turn leaves just about no time for me to be alone long enough to stream in full thoughts, let alone get in down on paper or type it out. Which is the excuse I hide behind, but truthfully I feel like I am also experiencing writers block or lack of inspiration. There is a definite funk.

I don’t feel like arranging playdates on the few hours I have off and have free time. I can barely find the energy or mindset to get my always full list of things-to-do complete. Rather, I have been finding myself letting my mind wander and fantasize about the future far more often than I ever did before.

My husband must feel the same way, because we have taken a very large step-backward in our relationship recently. He has decided that he doesn’t mind the nagging and has decided that for now, he would be perfectly fine with me just telling him what needs to be done. How fun for me, guys. He has thrown in the towel and is fine with the nagging after all and has coined it “giving direction.” He doesn’t care to learn where I keep things, what chores need to be done, what needs to be bought, and so on. This is all temporary for him and he is not feeling motivated in the least to be here. Or happy or comfortable.

I get it.

He has secretly been visiting the house more than a couple of times a week. To watch the progress. I say secretly because for some reason at first I would get pissed if he talked about being over at “the new neighborhood.” I couldn’t really articulate why it annoyed me, but it did. And it did to a high degree.

After I saw some of the pictures he had been taking and sharing with other people, I was amazed at the progress. I realized quickly that I was only annoyed because I was jealous. Jealous that he had the time to drive over there multiple times a week. He would tell me to go by there and look at it, trying to get me to get excited with him. But I don’t have the extra time during the week, and if I did have time to get over there it would take about an hour or so to drive it, and with a toddler who is not napping that can be a pretty much terrible experience. I have errands to run on my days off, and it is already hard enough to shop with a toddler, adding an hour drive to that day sounds like a real treat. I also felt like I was missing out on part of the process.

So I let all that go, and now make him send me all the photos he takes immediately so I can feel like I am there and I can watch it grow with him. Problem solved.

Oh, and he got a really really sweet deal on fridge! So that is taken care of.

Let’s see what happens the rest of this month! We have a planned Thanksgiving trip that we always look forward to. More to come…

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