Tag Archives: blogger

Authenticity Equals Longevity in the Blogging World

I would like to re-introduce myself and this blog. I am going to start this website over with a new focus. Authenticity equals longevity; and I want to grow not plateau. I am a new lady, going new places and for that reason we need to start over.

For most of 2016 I hid behind the term ‘blogger’ when people asked me what I did. You know the general questions: how old is your child, what do you do, how do you take your mom crack (coffee)?

I served on and off for about 4 years at the same restaurant. However, I always introduced myself as a blogger. It felt more like an age-appropriate gig. More so than letting people be assholes to you for shitty tips. Managers included.

Well, I have decided it is time to stop referring to myself as a blogger. Because I am not a blogger; I am an entrepreneur utilizing my website.

Last year, I latched onto “bloggers” that I thought I connected with for various reasons. I was really searching for myself in a life I didn’t recognize. I went onto to realize that I was suffering  mental breakdown of sorts that manifested in many ways: excessive shopping, cleaning, never leaving the house, screaming, therapy, medicine, more screaming, dramatic weight loss and excessive drinking.

Soon those bloggers that I looked to for a sense of community slowly began dropping off my radar. Their content that was usually funny and relatable changed to narcissistic bullshit. I can’t relate to mom’s who never have their kids and who care more about appearance than actually helping people. You can’t fake being a good person.

This is when I realized that most internet personalities are not authentic people. They don’t have to be gain a following. People will believe what they want to and that shit is for the birds. The blogger community needs more authentic people who build-up others based on truths and not half-truths. People who will be honest even if it means they are exposed. THAT IS INTEGRITY.

The bloggers that are actually making differences (in my opinion) are the ones who are in their 20’s learning life, sharing real experiences and who tell the truth.

Where am I going with this? Well, I have discussed the direction of this blog until we have all gotten blue in the face. One thing about a chick with severe anxiety is that I am consistent. I will consistently say I am going to do something, and then not do it.

But a bitch can be hopeful. Right? Stick around.

This blog is getting a make-over, but first I will be uploading lots of fresh content that is based around my life, my goals and all the business’ I am running.

-My photography business

-Pure Romance Consultant

-Mental Health– to include life coaching in areas of relationships, lifestyle, sexual health. (MS in Psychology and life coach certified)

-My reality as a cannabis consumer and mother

-YouTube Channel (because 3 people have told me I am funny now, it is time)

-Chakra Yoga (because it is free fucking therapy)

And when I have time, I love to cook, so I will continue adding family favorite recipes!

So, Welcome again.

Business Card Worthy? Just kidding.

 

 

I would like to order a cup of denial, extra guilt and just a sprinkle of reality…

It is absolutely amazing to me that I have denied my own truth until recently. Or I suppose some would say that I have found ways to deny it, escape it or even explain it; ‘it’ being the reality of my mental health situation and how I got there. This post is not going to be about the latter of the last sentence though, so don’t exit this post just yet.

I just feel like my absence on my own blog is just another example of my mental health reality and another situation I can easily explain away. We just moved into a new house that took 6 months to build. We were cramped and unhappy in the apartment, blah blah blah.

But the absolute truth is I was in a pretty deep depression. The truth is I suffer from depression. And GAD.

I have always denied the depressive part to my personality. I believed in to be situation, brief and not a big deal. Certainly not depression. I mean, I have studied depression for years. It is BASIC psychology. Hello, half the world should be at least familiar if not an expert by the constant commercials cramming medications down our throats. I made joke after joke that maybe I chose that particular field of study to try and outrun what ever reality awaited me in that department. I don’t seriously believe that this is the entire case here, but I definitely believed I would see the signs or understand what was happening to me.

I have recently been doing a lot work on myself. Mainly for my daughter. I do not wish to repeat history, that has always been something I have been high-per aware of. This has included therapy sessions, starting medication, changing medication and spending more time doing things that help me feel better (baths, yoga, going to Target alone, etc.).

During this time, I have realized there have been several points in my life that I am sure I was suffering from a depressive episode. I have made horrible decisions, been drunk for years at a time and survived several situations I will never talk about in the company of my daughter.

I know that I feel much better realizing why and how I got here. Despite my best effort, I suffer from what many, many women suffer from. I got tired of all the anxious feelings, the constant sweating, the chest pains, the inability to control my emotions once I reached panic mode. I had to take control of it and get some help. Hiding was now impossible and being a good mom has become my priority so I had to put my pride aside, put my ‘I’m no slave to the system and pills’ attitude aside.

I feel so much better now, truly. And once I got my anxiety under control it became overwhelmingly obvious that there was more to the story. More I needed to realize and more I needed to work on. Slowly, after 32-33 years of life, the smoke cleared. I see myself clearly now. I see that I am broken,  but not beyond repair. I am prone to short and long bouts where my eyes remain puffy and dark from lack of sleep and long sessions of weeping. Moments in time where I say I enjoy laying around and binge watching a show, or sleeping during the day when I really have to no reason to be tired. I have began describing myself as and introvert, and maybe I am, but there is a difference in the level of desire to be around people when I am the throws of a episode. The thought of going out in public, just public, not even an event where I am expected to socialize, gets me all worked up and in a pissy mood.

The point of this brutally honest and exposing post is that I am coming out of one of those episodes and am feeling MUCH better am ready to get this blog moving forward again, and I feel like I have finally found my niche.

Going forward this blog will focus on mental health as well as all the motherhood, kitchen madness, photography and my struggle to adapt to suburban life (DUH). Let me know what you think!

Love,

SM

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The Part of Blogging I am Struggling with…

I have to start with the admission that I am very new to this blogging lifestyle. And yes, I would call it a lifestyle. For one, it is not something you automatically earn revenue from. It is definitely not as easy as most people think it is; you will not succeed if you do not devote time and energy into it. And similar to other careers, it requires you to stay relevant. Relevant with media and in the media.

I am only about a quarter of my first year into it and I am realizing quickly that I am going to have to bump up game. I may have underestimated my ability to juggle. It is not going to be as easy as I may have initially allowed myself to think it would be.

And thank goodness. I already have enough easy shit in my life, I just simply cannot add another easy task to my already full plate of other easy shit I am skating through.

Currently my plate consist of a one-year old, my sort of part-time gig, husband, two dogs, trying to sell our house (which means keeping it as clean as possible 24/7 and being kicked out at a moments notice so a stranger can snoop around my house), building a new home and finding invisible money to help with it all. Somewhere on that plate are my needs. But those aren’t really important for this post.

Once I realized that if I want to make a space for myself in the blogger-mom world, I better carve out 2-20 hours a week to invest in that dream. Which in 7 days, as a stay-at-home mom, anyone would see this as totally possible.

Still, I struggle to carve out that many hours since my child likes to be glued to me most hours of the day. Even with my husband usually available to over, it is hard to ignore the murderous screams from a couple of rooms over and stay on track. I would love the be able to tone out the “mom” cries and stay in the ‘zone’ or maybe sit in a Starbucks and avoid the drama all together, but some how it never ends up in my favor. At least not for long.

But all of that is not what I am  struggling with.

The part I struggle with is mirroring the exact behavior my husband and I said we would not do. I am constantly on my laptop and my phone. Capturing, captioning, posting, tweeting, sharing, reading, writing, planning, responding… all the things bloggers are constantly doing in order to stay relevant and to succeed.

The childhood I wanted for my daughter was the one I remember. Playing with kids, playing outside, reading books, pretend play mixed in with cartoons and snuggles. I by no means am going to pretend that she won’t be in front of that t.v her fair share. I mean, I do have to get shit done like the rest of you, but I desperately do not want her to grow up in front of a screen.

She is only one and she is the only child, so I do most of the entertaining and serve as her number one playmate.  She already spends more time than I anticipated watching cartoons because I had no idea how attached she would be to me and it’s literally the only thing during the day that allows me get anything done.

She already pretends my old iPod is her phone and carries it around with her most of the day. She knows how to take a selfie. At first it was cute. Now it just makes me feel guilty.

As a blogger, it is virtually impossible for your kids not to see you working. At some point during the day, your tiny human will catch you tweeting or posting or reading. No way around it. Because blogging is a lifestyle. I am trying to find balance within blogging and mommying, and it is difficult. I am struggling.

Me and Baby

How do you make it work?

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