Category Archives: Life

Thirty-Something Mean girls

The beginning of this year would probably sound terrible on paper to some, but to me, it has been liberating. Tough, yet, I have never felt stronger and more proud of who I am.

I couldn’t see it when I got out in 2011 but I realized this year that the military taught me integrity and at a very early age. I was 17 when I joined, and while other young kids my age struggled and felt miserable, I did not.

I suppose when you have to grow up fast, you are often taught the “rules” to life earlier than most. So for me, a community where I knew what was expected was a natural fit.

Learning integrity and living with integrity are certainly two different things. But I dare say, it is hard to find adults who have integrity outside of a military base.  Let me explain, in the military you can and will be punished for a lack of integrity. I shit you not, cheat on your spouse and get caught. Well, you and the commanding officer will be making a phone call to said spouse. Docking of pay for lying and being caught, you betcha. In the civilian world this would not happen, like ever.

How does this all fit together? Well in my youth I was unable to stand-up for myself mainly out of fear that I would lose a friend or look stupid. I would ignore red flags, make excuses and hide from any issues that caused me or anyone to feel uncomfortable. If I saw someone being picked on, I was the little shit that looked the other way and never a word. When I was being bullied, I took it. I let kids, adults and family members bully me for years. That is the opposite of living with integrity.

When I was in the military I found my voice among the boys. I could hold my own around a man or group of men. I was counseled on multiple occasions in regards to my ‘verbally abusive tactics’. I guess with the ratio of men to women, it was a sink or swim situation. But I have always been far too timid to stick up to mean women.

Then this year I stopped letting the mean girls win. I stopped letting myself get intimated by good looks and beautifully put-together outfits with accessories. The women that never let you catch them with out make-up and who always seem to have a fucking Starbucks coffee in their hand. The women who are pushing 4 quiet and well kempt kids around Target while they browse every isle they want. Fuck those women, I am not intimated anymore.

I lost a job, I lost a friendship or 2 and I was banned from The Stonermom for voicing an opinion she did not approve of. Cest la Vie.

My serving days finally came to an end after 4 years on and off. I finally decided that I wasn’t going to let those over-shadowed eye rolls bother me anymore. They were never about me anyway. I decided that I wasn’t ok watching a manager belittle her employees or verbally abuse them depending on her mood. It was not ok to be passively aggressively bullied because she had the power to make me clean-up the fucking salad station for a month straight just because I didn’t eat the bullshit she tried to serve.

By the way, I scrubbed that salad station so clean she could have asked that bitch “mirror mirror, who is the fairest of them all?”

I decided that even if it means severing a relationship that matters to you, you owe it to yourself to always be honest and speak the truth. The truth is not something that is not debatable or up for interpretation. There are no variations of the truth.

If you are worried about someone, tell them. If someone is mistreating you, stop allowing it. If someone is struggling with addiction, reach out to them. If you’re values don’t align with someone close to you, reevaluate the relationship. All of these are examples of clear communication and living with integrity.

Remember this one, “do as I say, not as I do”? Change the words, be a force of good, honesty and integrity. Do as I do, and not as I say. Be the example, not the discussion.

 

 

 

 

The Curveball that is Life…

Life happens and plans change. I wanted to keep on a writing schedule and get this damn year-long project out of its infancy phase. But as I keep trying to teach my wee one, life is not about me or you but about us as a whole.

Life happens; bills have to get paid, people get sick, visits and birthdays happen even if it’s not the best time for YOU.

Despite my best efforts, I have not mastered running on less than 7 hours of sleep. Yes you read that right, I need sleep. I am a human who needs 7 hours a night. Yes, we all know people who do not “need” that much sleep despite what science tells us, and we will watch those people’s bodies break down earlier than ours, mmmkkkk.

Oh, and potty training. What a shit show that is. NO PUN INTENDED! It is a literal shit show. But we are on the downward slope now. She is fascinated by counting her poo-poo turds. You’re welcome.

I gave up nagging her about her nose picking addiction. I figure the mean girls at school will fight that battle for me. I just don’t have any more energy fighting the booger battle. I threw in the towel when I had to tell her that I would not join her in eating her boogers, or eating mine, because we are not meant to eat them (with a straight face).

Oh and I have the child that uses “fuck” appropriately. But really, everyone saw that coming. On the plane ride to California she told that she would not be sitting in her fucking seat. And if she cannot see her cookies when she opens the pantry, the f bombs fly. Where are my fuuuucccckkkinnnng cookies? I am working on it, please do not worry. I say fiddlesticks now.

The financial strain of buying a new house and immediately furnishing that house has also taken its toll. I totally understand how money is the number one reason for divorce. We are slowly and steadily getting out of the mess we happily put ourselves in.

Alas, here we are. Christmas right around the corner. I will be home! We are very excited to be celebrating our holiday season at home in this house that we love. Just the three of us. Just perfect.

Don’t let this photo fool you; there will be minimal if any baking going on.

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Perfect Little Family of Three

So anyway, expect new post.

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Times Have Changed… Are You Keeping Up?

I have been wanting to chime in about parenting today versus parenting past for quite sometime. The generational divide in parenting can cause tension, debates and even ruin relationships; and that’s just in my house.

Now, I understand that children are still children; that hasn’t changed. They still have developing brains and bodies, and are usually difficult and lovely all at the same time.

But the amount of information we have learned about their developing brains through research is nothing less than groundbreaking.

Times have changed, and in order to stay ahead of our children and provide them what they need to develop in today’s world, you have to acknowledge that. I want to kind of ‘explain’ where my generation is coming from and what we face as parents.

The days of busy signals and dial-up internet are long gone, you see. Days of playing outside from sunrise to sunset are basically fairy tales we will tell our kids to put them to sleep.

When my parents were growing up, bigger families were normal and often meant more hands to help out.  Parenting from this generation was about survival rather then fine-tuning a human being. If the basic needs were met, then that parent was doing their job and could then focus on keeping the family afloat.

When I was growing up I played outside all day, everyday and I was a “latch-key kid.” I came home after school, let myself in and was unattended until an adult came home. I did not have access to a computer, except at school where we learned basics and played Oregon Trail. I do not remember kidnapping or online predators being something my family worried about.

Things have changed in so many ways since technologically has taken over our society. We have access to immediate information, food,  doctors, taxis, porn… you name it. You carry a computer on your person, all day long.

We are over-run with technology! You may not be tech savvy, but that does not mean these things aren’t happening. Life with kids was VERY DIFFERENT in the 80s, which is when I was growing up.

Let’s start with the fact that I have absolutely no memory of having a car seat. Car seats weren’t even a thing when our parents were kids! Next, kids were able to walk around the city or town without much worry at earlier ages. You could let them walk to school, the corner store, a friend’s house. Now parents are turned into CPS if they let their kids walk to the park unattended.

Now, you have to add parental locks on every goddamn thing (doors, electronics, phones, TV). Kids have constant access today to technologies that were either considered a luxury or privilege or that didn’t exist in previous generations. ie. Phones, TV, laptops/tablets.

Can you imagine having a smart phone at 10? It is happening, and younger than 10! I had a pager when I turned 13 and let me tell you, I thought I was hot shit. It was bright teal green, by the way.

Kids also have tv’s in their bedrooms now. When was growing up we had one family tv and it was run by the man of the house. I got like 1 hour during the week and cartoons on saturday morning, and in my world I was lucky.

SIDE RANT: Social media is so important to today’s young people that they will delete pictures if they do not receive enough likes. There are countless stories of suicides tied one way or another to social media. Their goddamn self-esteem in tied to their social media accounts and how the “world” sees them.

Facebook, Instgram, Snapchat and tons of other apps that I am not hip to are something parents of my generation deal with. Having children who struggle to stay engaged because there is always a screen in their face is just an everyday struggle. Instant communication with who ever then want; instant internet connection at their under-developed fingertips (brain, not fingers y’all). It’s a disaster.

When I work on the weekends, family meals out mean head in phone and little to no interaction. Laptops are now an essential school item, like pencils and paper, so forget the notion that you just won’t give them any technology.

Was this an issue 30 years ago? No, no it was not. Parents today have to be one step ahead of their kids when it comes to technology and they have to monitor it.

Then we have the fact video games are changing the chemical make-up our youth’s brains’. We also have doctors over prescribing medication when there are organic therapies and options to consider. We have a school shooting epidemic to worry about. Oh, and the new common junkies are high-school aged kids who graduated from narcotic prescription pills to black-tar heroine.

Teen pregnancy is so last season. Now I am worried about my kid believing her self-worth is tied to her social media accounts, being targeted or preyed on by online predators, being shot at school (or anywhere) or trying hard drugs with friends.

 

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Societal Norms I can do Without

In the last year I have been the focus of way too many awkward and or annoying situations. What I mean by focus is that my appearance, my chosen job, my education level and my choices in parenting have elicited a reaction from not only family members, but perfect strangers.

And it has made me realize that I can’t even understand humanity. Have people always been this atrocious to each other, or am I just noticing now? Have people always confused rude with overtly opinionated and narcissism with confidence?

My life situation in the past couple years has changed drastically; not once but on a pretty consistent basis. I got pregnant, lost it, got pregnant and stayed pregnant, was completely useless for 28 weeks with all the nausea and vomiting, lost my mom, had my daughter, sold the house (whole process took less than 2 months), moved into a 2-bedroom apartment while our new house was being built, moved into that house and here we are.

In that short 3 years, my weight has fluctuated from 115- 180. Then when Charlotte turned 2, my weight was at it’s lowest. I can’t even look at the pictures from her birthday party; it depresses me to see my body so depleted. I guess the breastfeeding, stress, anxiety and depression had finally taken its toll on me and it was visible to the world. Everyone, from family to strangers, has had something to say about my weight. Comments ranging from the basic deer in the head lights look to oh my God is everything ok? Oh, and “why are you so skinny” made an appearance a time or fifty.

I am not sure why society deems it ok to comment on a thin person’s appearance and not ok to comment on over weight people’s appearance. I have never heard anyone say to another person, “wow, you look so different, you have gained so much weight. Is everything ok?” Nope. Would not occur, at least not in my circle. But if you replace gained with lost then you get an average comment I address on a consistent basis.

The real tragedy here, is that thin individuals dealing with stress, anxiety and depression take this way too deeply and it has such a negative affect, when it wasn’t intended that way. Our weight loss is usually connected to our disorder, and drawing attention to a symptom an ill person is experiencing is really just inappropriate. I don’t need a wake-up call, I can see my clothes hanging off of me, just like I can feel my face grow red with anxiousness and shame. But I appreciate your concern laced with rudeness.

Another societal norm I can do without is that women are supposed take attention paid to them and sexual advances as compliments. What if I don’t feel like being called pretty or hot, or have attention paid to me based solely on my looks. I do not feel that just because someone finds me attractive I should welcome any comments or advances. I should what, be happy I was noticed for my appearance?

An employee of a home pest team we use made an inappropriate and flirty comment to me while we were outside in the yard… in front of my daughter. It was a lame attempt, and he was no threat, but the big picture is that it is not ok to make anyone feel uncomfortable because you think that your flirtatious comments are welcome and will somehow make me feel special or happy in some way. I absolutely do not want my daughter growing up in a society that allows men to make shameless comments to her because she is nice to look at. This should quit being normal behavior.

By the way, here was the dialogue, “Man I am hot! I don’t really like to spend much time out when it is this hot, that is more my husband. He is the outside parent,” with a nervous laugh.

He squeezed in “Yea you are,” when I said man I’m hot.

Then complete silence. The same guy came back out when we had another issue, and he looked quite let down when I did not share his excitement about seeing each other again.

Ready for another? Another societal normalcy that I think can go fly a kite is that education means working professional. Yes I went to school with the intent of getting into my dream career. It just so happens that my dream career keeps morphing into something new, just like I do. I am getting really sick of telling my guest at the restaurant I work at what my “plans are after this.” Why does society still assume that the food service industry is made up of individuals that can’t make it anywhere else, or are working there as a step to another job. If you are not management you must be a societal maggot. Ok, maybe that is a stretch. But seriously, some folks that provide you service while you dine out do so because they want to, not because they have to. Simple. Stop projecting your ideas of what I should be doing with my life onto me.

Get a grip, people. I choose to do MANY things with the one life I have. It is very fulfilling and I highly recommend it.

And lastly, a family can be complete with one child. And that child can be female.

 

Love,

Suburban Mishap

 

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Ridiculous things I have said to the human being I created

First and foremost, the minute you say your child will never do something you are sealing your fate. They will do that exact thing you swore your child would never do, and they will do it ALL THE TIME.

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proof she is always scheming her next move

My advice is to go into parenthood with the expectation that you will see and say things you never thought possible. Drop any arrogance or self-assurance about your parenting ability and deal with chaos that is having a child. It is amusing and terrifying and everyone goes through it.

Here is a short list of shit I have said to Charlotte that I find both amusing and disgusting.

  1. Don’t play with your poop. No details are needed here, it is powerful all on its own.
  2. Please don’t eat lotion. Her response it what makes it the best. Me: Charlotte don’t eat lotion! (Panicked, crying, looking up poison control numbers) Charlotte: But it’s soooo good. Mommy, it’s so good! It’s delicious! Stop laughing, mommy it is NOT funny. (She doesn’t even describe food this way)
  3. Please stop clawing at and head-butting my chest. (We are going through weaning process)
  4. I’m sorry babe, you just can’t fly like a balloon.
  5. You can’t go to work yet; you don’t have a job. (She was hysterical when I told her this btw)
  6. Get your finger out of your nose.
  7. Get your finger out of your nose, now.
  8. Please, please stop putting things in your nose. DSC_0284 [contact-form][contact-field label=’Name’ type=’name’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Email’ type=’email’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Website’ type=’url’/][contact-field label=’Comment’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]

It’s true what they say about assuming, you know…

Assuming always makes an ass out of u and i.

I will start by admitting that I am someone who has the innate tendency to instantly assume if something is awry that I must have caused it. I assume that if a friend is mad about something, it must be linked to me.

At work if I am not vibing with a table, for what ever reason, I assume I will be getting a really shitty tip. Most of the time I am wrong.

I assume my husband knows when I am having a bad day and when I need him to be extra sensitive. That never works in my favor because as it turns out he really can’t read minds.

I assume my daughter will go to bed early if she skipped her nap, and yea that usually does not occur. I also assume that because she loves to swim in water outside, she will be totally cool with bath time. Nope. Apparently they are completely different, but not really.

I assume that my dad will always remember how old I am turning because hello, he is my dad. Now that I have to remember so many damn birthdays and special dates, I have to write down how old everyone is turning. Even myself; so he is forgiven.

We all assume people will treat us the way we treat them. With that notion I go further to assume that if I give 100%, those around me will too.

I assume that the people in my life have the same value system as I do, and that is simply not the case. I won’t give you a social psychology lecture but, with the melting pot of people that makes up this earth that is just not possible. Too many factors to consider.

So not only am I someone who has a tendency to assume, I am in a position that opens me up to assumption from strangers on a consistent basis. For some reason, a server in their 30s tends to leave people wondering where they went wrong in life. Why else would someone be waiting tables for a living past 29?

I get offered jobs, I am paid over-zealous compliments that feel laced with sadness and my favorite is when I get the plain ol’ sad eyes. If I have a table with a recruiter of any type or a retired military person you bet I will be asked at some point if I have thought about the military. Then when they find out I am a veteran of more than a decade I am ambushed with so many inappropriate and uninvited questions it is really appalling.

Let’s be real, there aren’t many professions, and food service is a profession, that you can go up to an employee and literally ask them personal questions and then offer them a “better opportunity in life.” I have been asked way too many times, “what my plans are after this?”

(Rant: I find it really worrisome that a mom who has found a way to earn money for her family and be a stay at home mom during the week has to defend herself to complete strangers at her CHOSEN place of employment.)

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On this self-improvement journey I am on, I have been paying close attention to my thoughts and the energy I put out into the world. I have realized that 10 out of 10 times I assume something, I end up feeling like an ass.

I think I am quick to assume partly because I am a naturally defensive person who can be insecure at times. Causation in my eyes would be nature AND nurture. I am naturally sensitive, mix that with the inevitable events of my life and you have: ME.

So I have become hyper-vigalant on the energy I put into this world and I am working on how I handle life and all of its messiness. Assuming effort, it takes brain power. I am trying to re-wire my brain into putting that effort into something that leads to a more positive outcome.

How are you with challengers, readers? Do it. Stop assuming. See what happens in your life.

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Stay in your lane, girl!

I cannot be the only early thirty-something (33 to be exact) who seems to be having trouble giving up late nights for early mornings. Giving up the cock-tail hour and dinner duo just doesn’t seem to be on my radar. Right now my life revolves around the high-energy two-year I have who does not sit still like society would like her to. She is the loud girl staring you down from two booths over; the one who zero awareness of your boundary issue.

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And I am her proud, tired mother. I still desire to hang out with my childless friends who still tell me stories about waking up somewhere weird or finding someone hanging out with a litter box while passed on out the shitter. Then there is me, I’m like, “oh cool, what kind of litter box is that? I am getting a kitten to add the family!” Fail.

I am socially awkward yes, but I love to entertain. I love to cook and decorate and drink with friends. Only now, I do all this after chasing/playing/cleaning up after my child all day. I usually attempt to ‘hang out’ (I use that term loosely) on Wednesday or Thursday which are may days off from working either in the home or out at the restaurant. These days are also days that I have to squeeze in activities for Charlotte, appointments, errands, etc. So they are not usually relaxing in nature.

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I used to enjoy running errands by myself. Listen to music, dance and sing in the car, get some coffee and knock it out. Man, that ship has sailed. Errands can only be described as awful when you do it with a toddler. At least with the combination of my low patience level, her inability to be calm when she needs to be, her need to explore everything and her desire to walk as SLOW as possible. She has one speed at home… zoom is her speed at home. My point is that I am often exhausted by the time the day rolls around to being time to cook and get ready for guest, then entertain.

Plus if it someone new my body automatically enters fight or flight mode from the mere stress of it all.

So guess what happens. I have my two to three glasses of wine and pass the fuck out with Charlotte. Every. Damn. Time. When I say I will be right back, you might as well say good night and plan on seeing tomorrow. For real.

Did I mention Charlotte is phasing out of naps too? I am in the throws of the potty training, meltdowns, picky-eating, non-stop running/climbing/falling, nose picking stage of parenting and I guess I am having trouble transitioning from the semi-cool mom to the busy and exhausted mom.

I need to cut the shit and stay the fuck in my lane. I need to realize that you can’t mold yourself around your friends like you might have in your youth; that shit just doesn’t work. I can now check-off going to sleep before 8 pm while your guest are downstairs waiting on you. I can also say that I have entered the realm of my life where I can no longer blend in with twenty year olds. I just feel uncomfortable and maternal now. The phase is complete. Charlotte has even started saying, “oh mom, you’re so silly!” She is two people. I embarrass her at two.

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So I guess even though I have like 10 types of leftovers in my fridge on the daily and the biggest bottle of Pinot Grigio that Barefoot sells, I can’t have you over. Unless you understand and accept that I am now the host that forgets to offer you water and will most likely talk too much about Charlotte and Chris. But I will keep your glass of wine full and probably be pretty entertaining until I pass out.

I realize that my pool of potential friends is already small and it is shrinking every year I age. I am an anxiety-riddled, socially awkward (at times), overly opinionated and brutally honest momma bear. I am a MS graduate that chooses to wait tables, labels herself as non-religious (for safety reasons), and I am an outspoken supporter of MMJ. Oh, and I reside in the DEEP SOUTH by choice. I am seriously a duck out of water as far fitting in socially around here, but that’s ok. We like the Spanish Moss and we have a good 8-hours before any family can ‘stop by’.

I am getting back in my lane. If I don’t I might start falling asleep the day before company arrives!

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Journey Continued…

Summer has a way of lapsing time, doesn’t it? The heat, the consistent summer storms, new adventures outdoors, repeat adventures outdoors and then playing catch-up indoors. With the rise in temperatures I find myself so exhausted by 1, that if I sit down for any amount of time in double digits I am asleep. Like for real. The heat sucks the energy out me; it’s a rough life!

I am not doing a very good job of keeping up my writing schedule either, with all this extra napping brought on my the overwhelming heat in the south. I have been so caught up with work and keeping up the new house I haven’t even made it over to meet the new baby in our little circle. Westin, I promise, I am coming!

Anyway, for me summer adventures include the outside pool, the sprinklers, the beach, and of course the new park (new for us) and mini-playdates if I manage to remember to plan one and then follow through. My kid loves to be outside and moving, and the poor girl gets the power sweats like I do. So we are often incorporating water into whatever we are doing. Somehow June came and went. I think I saw one of my friend’s so far this month. Oh, and she lives next door.

I am sure this is situation; toddlers tend to make the days seem like groundhog’s day. The attempt to keep a routine while creating summer magic for a tiny person who will never remember most of the days I spent planning for her is a constant struggle. But that is ok, it matters on a higher level.

In the past I would let this really get to me. The fact that I have not kept up with my writing schedule, let some of the chores go from time-to-time and have done zero product reviews and not stressed about until I lose sleep is pretty nice. I have let other things become more important like playing with my daughter on demand, sporadically baking something, playing with and loving our new kitten Mavis, and of course my favorite taking a long hot soak. If you follow me on Snapchat I am sure you are sick of seeing bubble baths.

I have also been expanding my year-long journey of self-improvement to include reading and learning from literature that folks I find inspirational have published. I am almost done with Kate Hudson’s book Pretty Happy and I just got it. That says a lot since my extra time is usually spent driving, napping or bathing. I am learning so much and finally have a spiritual path that I find to be alluring for my lifestyle. More on that later, of course.

In the past couple months at work, I have worked hard on talking less and listening more. Listening to my customers, co-workers, management, friends and family. They may not all agree, but I am giving it may all! Anyway, I found that there are a couple personality characteristics that really turn me off; which hit me deeply because I can recognize some of them in myself.

Negative people. The folks that are complaining the majority of the time and like to trash other people. I work with too many negative people, and I have noticed that negative people are toxic. I mean they have a tendency to suck you in and set the tone in the space that they are in. The constant complaining can become catching when you are frustrated and or having a bad day/time. You follow suite and then you pass that negative vibe onto someone else.

Folks with a superiority complex. I only ever come across these people at work; customers who frequent O’charleys. The tend to talk down to me, don’t make eye contact with me, talk over me and have zero manners. I don’t understand this, on any level. Talking to someone any way you please because you feel superior in some sort of way. In my experience, it is usually retired civil servants and white middle-aged women from a state more northern. I don’t want to get too specific, and I am only speaking from my experience. I can’t help but think that the attitude comes from them feeling superior to me because I take their order and clean their mess. Sometimes I get the sad eyes. This poor girl is here waiting tables, I wonder where her life went wrong?

I know I need this journey because my first instinct is to always get defensive and start spouting out my resume to anyone who listen. It is such a waste of energy, and my getting upset and letting me myself get spun up shows me I have a long way to go.

One thing I have learned and incorporated into my life so far into this journey, is that I am in total control over how I use my energy and what energy I project into the world. I have become a more positive person so far and I have a new vantage point on the people I surround myself with. Sometimes we have to be in the company of negative people or people who are just ugly inside, but when you let your positivity shine it changes the situation entirely.

I hope I can inspire you!

To be continued…

Everyone isn’t going to like you, and that sucks.

You see, I am a people pleaser and when things go sour with someone it isn’t possible for me to just shake it off. It will eat at until something new takes the place. Like seriously… I am neurotic to the point that I analyze any interaction I had that day that felt toxic in some way, virtually or face-to-face. I am always offending, annoying and scaring someone. Maybe it is that exhale sarcasm and suffer from resting bitch face. Or maybe it is that I take the whole ‘treat people how you want to be treated’ way of thinking and apply to all avenues of my life. I bet it is that whole missing filter thing I was warned about by an elementary teacher. Anyway, I usually find myself in trouble with someone.

I realize that not everyone shares my way of thinking and that is normal considering we all come from different walks of life. But I will share my opinion as this is my blog and the whole point of suburban mishap.

I am a server right now, which means I work in the service industry where you have mostly high school kids, young adults in college, older adults who can’t really be employed anywhere else and then my group (moms who want to raise their own kids so they choose a job with flexible hours). I have to tell you, the new generation of adults entering the work force is scary as shit. I am not sure if the kids I work with literally have no work ethic, or they just feel like it can be situational. Perhaps they don’t take being a server as a serious job, and I get that. But to go there and literally throw temper tantrums when someone didn’t ask you if you ALSO wanted a milk shake with your dinner order that was delivered to you by a nice person who willingly did a food run. Or to literally walk right by someone who is doing the work that is assigned to you while the manager yells at everyone walking by for help. Who is raising these lazy and self-obsessed brats and setting the standard of acceptable work ethic?

These same types of individuals are the first ones to notice and comment if someone gets something  and they do not. Maybe my husband has a valid point about handing out rewards and ribbons to everyone who just participates. I’m not positive there is a link, but you know I see a very real ‘me me me’ mentality from the young people just entering the world. It goes further then my generations average know-it-all mentality. Now it is the know-it-all attitude and wanting a fucking reward for it.

Has society encouraged parents to keep focus on responsibility and discipline so much that they forget humility and work-ethic? I won’t even go so far as to include teamwork, because I am sure I learned that during my 11-year Navy career. But I can most certainly say that my parents made sure I knew what hard work was and humility before I left at 17. I was always reminded that someone out there has it worse that me when I was feeling sorry for myself, as most young minds do.

It is a struggle for someone like me who wants to people please, make friends, avoid the scary people and just enhance the over all environment in a positive way. I get bent out of shape if someone doesn’t like me. Even if I really don’t like the person to begin with, knowing they feel some way about me eats at me. It’s that incorrectly wired brain of mine.

So where am I going with this rant? Well, things have bubbled up at work and I am on some shit lists. Why? I really really do not like people who do not pull their own weight in the work place. No matter where the work place happens to be. Hell, if I were a prostitute, I would be the hardest working girl with the cleanest corner and organized drug bag. So when I have to drag my tired ass to work in the evening, it makes me a little pissy when I end up doing the work or like 4 or 5 other people. What people? Those darn high schoolers and young adults (plus one or two 40 year olds)  who would rather sit around and complain instead of passing the time, Idk, doing their job. Our job isn’t that hard after all. The bottom line is, what really pisses me off about it, is that my tips, as well as others, suffer because we have to spend time doing another person’s work because the manager gets fed up and starts yelling at everyone they see to get SHIT DONE. So you see, it is like a domino reaction. If I see something that needs to be done, assigned to me or not, I do it if I can. That is a foreign concept to way too many people I know.

After awhile I get annoyed, bitchy and I let you know in some way or another. Then, people start not liking me. If  I could just go to work, do the bare minimum and go home I would be voted most popular. Hands down. Ok maybe that is too far, but it doesn’t matter because that is not me. And dammit, who the fuck wants to be that asshole? I remember long long ago, in my previous life, having quite a bit of beef with a few of my senior female bosses. I generally thought they were meant and picking on me… I still remember each and every one of them and how angry and confused I ended up feeling around them. I respected them though, and I certainly I learned from them. So this is where I have to let this go. I have to learn to except that I am finally old enough that I don’t get the older generation and now I don’t get the younger generation… cest la vie.

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That time I took a 3 hour nap…

Yesterday, Thursday, was the day I set aside every week to post something new. AND I was a productive lady this week and started early, on Tuesday. But then I took a nap, a glorious three-hour siesta with my main girl.

Which got me thinking a little deeper about naps and why I find them so important. Even when I don’t get to take one regularly, my body eventually gives up the fight and falls into a day-sleep. A day-sleep is how I describe a three-hour nap; too short to be called ‘going to bed’ but too long to be categorized as a nap.

To set the scene, this week I was recovering from last Saturday when I didn’t have to work because it was so dead and when we went to dinner. I got sick, because that is what happens to people who do not normally leave their habitat. They get sick. I thought the two cocktails I decided to try and drink did it at first. Then I realized the problem was actually something I ate. I don’t want to go into detail as to what I consumed and what exactly took place because my intestines are still pissed at me. But anyway, back on track… I was trying to rehydrate my body and realized that when I finally stopped to take breath it had been like 6 hours since I had pee’d last and wtf is that about?

Why am I letting myself get too busy to drink water and to use the freakin’ bathroom? I can’t really blame my child; she is 2 and pretty much is cool as long as she is invited. Can’t blame my husband because, well, I am 33 years of age. It is not really his job to make sure I drink water and pee regularly. At least not yet.

So this weekly post is inspired by that experience. We simply cannot give the best of ourselves if we are not taking care of the vessel we were given. After all, we nag our offspring to hydrate and to pee when they have to. Why does this simple example of taking care of ourselves escape us once we reproduce? Well, I have a theory, but I will share my theory at the end of this post.

I know women who will argue until the death of them they that don’t need to do things like manicures or massages or take a bath. They don’t need to work-out, watch a movie alone or get really stoned, watch Dateline and Snapchat. They say stuff like “I just don’t have time for that”, or “must be nice that you get to do those things.”

I realized this week that I was running on fumes, both figuratively and literally. I was dehydrated, crampy, grumpy, tired and still putting myself on the back burner. It happens to the best of us. And it will continue to surface it other areas in your life when your load gets to full and you have nothing left to pull from. You get short with people, you get lazy, you get preoccupied with things that do not matter to you, you fall behind in life… So for the love of your friends and family, take a nap, take a bath, get a hobby or eat a damn Snickers bar sitting in your closet wearing your favorite heels.

My theory as to women fall short in the self-care category is because we have brainwashed over time to feel some kind of way about doing stuff for ourselves. Some kind of way meaning selfish, shameful, embarrassed or just plain nonchalant. To have hobbies other than gardening, sewing shit or working out to keep our bodies acceptable for society to look at were looked at as risky behavior. I mean seriously, through-out history our place has been in areas of domestication. Until recently, and I don’t mean like 2015 recently either. Open a book sometime, check out what people with vaginas have been up to.

It’s ok to be happy throwing down a delicious meal in the kitchen and also being totally interested in going shooting at the range. It is also ok to fall asleep for 3 hours and miss a self-imposed deadline. I am sure I have my critics out there who think maybe I am little self indulgent. And you know what, I am.

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