I have to start with the admission that I am very new to this blogging lifestyle. And yes, I would call it a lifestyle. For one, it is not something you automatically earn revenue from. It is definitely not as easy as most people think it is; you will not succeed if you do not devote time and energy into it. And similar to other careers, it requires you to stay relevant. Relevant with media and in the media.
I am only about a quarter of my first year into it and I am realizing quickly that I am going to have to bump up game. I may have underestimated my ability to juggle. It is not going to be as easy as I may have initially allowed myself to think it would be.
And thank goodness. I already have enough easy shit in my life, I just simply cannot add another easy task to my already full plate of other easy shit I am skating through.
Currently my plate consist of a one-year old, my sort of part-time gig, husband, two dogs, trying to sell our house (which means keeping it as clean as possible 24/7 and being kicked out at a moments notice so a stranger can snoop around my house), building a new home and finding invisible money to help with it all. Somewhere on that plate are my needs. But those aren’t really important for this post.
Once I realized that if I want to make a space for myself in the blogger-mom world, I better carve out 2-20 hours a week to invest in that dream. Which in 7 days, as a stay-at-home mom, anyone would see this as totally possible.
Still, I struggle to carve out that many hours since my child likes to be glued to me most hours of the day. Even with my husband usually available to over, it is hard to ignore the murderous screams from a couple of rooms over and stay on track. I would love the be able to tone out the “mom” cries and stay in the ‘zone’ or maybe sit in a Starbucks and avoid the drama all together, but some how it never ends up in my favor. At least not for long.
But all of that is not what I am struggling with.
The part I struggle with is mirroring the exact behavior my husband and I said we would not do. I am constantly on my laptop and my phone. Capturing, captioning, posting, tweeting, sharing, reading, writing, planning, responding… all the things bloggers are constantly doing in order to stay relevant and to succeed.
The childhood I wanted for my daughter was the one I remember. Playing with kids, playing outside, reading books, pretend play mixed in with cartoons and snuggles. I by no means am going to pretend that she won’t be in front of that t.v her fair share. I mean, I do have to get shit done like the rest of you, but I desperately do not want her to grow up in front of a screen.
She is only one and she is the only child, so I do most of the entertaining and serve as her number one playmate. She already spends more time than I anticipated watching cartoons because I had no idea how attached she would be to me and it’s literally the only thing during the day that allows me get anything done.
She already pretends my old iPod is her phone and carries it around with her most of the day. She knows how to take a selfie. At first it was cute. Now it just makes me feel guilty.
As a blogger, it is virtually impossible for your kids not to see you working. At some point during the day, your tiny human will catch you tweeting or posting or reading. No way around it. Because blogging is a lifestyle. I am trying to find balance within blogging and mommying, and it is difficult. I am struggling.
How do you make it work?
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